I’m not one for making New Year’s resolutions. Typically resolutions end up being year-round lifestyle habits. That sort of thing isn’t a resolution so much as a path. You stick to the path or you wander off of it, but it’s not a simple “Keep it or break it.” The only thing that I try to make happen from year to year is to try to, overall, do better for myself than the previous year. That can be in terms of career, health, strength of relationships, or other intangibles that lead to personal fulfillment and satisfaction… whatever the case might be. So that being the case, I more look out upon the world and see the things, big and small that I feel should change for the better. I present just a sampling of that list to you now, in no particular order.
- Netflix has to stop trying to get me to rent Megan Fox’s cleavage when I surf the web. They’ll say that they’re really promoting Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, but why do they always show the image of Fox, sweaty and scared, with the camera half-panned down her shirt? Surely there’s better imagery evocative of the actual giant robots that are the movie’s namesake?
- Entry Level needs to make a return. I have younger cousins and some internet friends who are just getting out of school, and then there’s my little brothers Shelby and Sterling, who are in high school and for them there’s really a good 5 to 8 years before they get their Bachelor’s and then go on from there. I’ve noticed something, however, as I’ve watched the job market — the meaning of “entry level” has contracted exponentially over the years. Entry level employment in the professional world is all about getting your feet in the door and growing your water wings, but as the economy corrected for the various bubbles that it rode to illogical heights, hiring for recent college grads fell noticeably. The best way to create another bitter, disillusioned workforce akin to the stereotype that Generation X carried for so long is to have people going tens of thousands of dollars into debt, only to get out of school and end up working the same jobs as somebody who never went to university in the first place. Entry level should not mean “Hire that kid only if we can’t get somebody with experience.” Honestly I think the only people advertising entry level positions in earnest anymore are your telemarketers (or worse, door-to-door salesmen) and is that really what you want to send your kids to college to do?
- Be honest about “tall, dark and handsome.” Tall is relative to the person observing it. Most guys aren’t actually dark. And handsome is as handsome does, though that doesn’t make much sense. I suppose the point is, I’ve spent my whole life tall and dark. I’m still working on the handsome part, I’ll admit it’s a shortcoming of mine. But seems to me that if you’re not going to have all three as a guy, it’s better to just be handsome and lacking in height and melanin, than to be tall and dark and lacking in looks (unless you’re an athlete, then all bets are off).
- Air-conditioning is not a luxury. Global-warming, right? I’ve lived in places with a single fan jammed into the wall and in places with true A/C, and I’ve gotta say that air-conditioning is not at all a luxury. I spent half my childhood in Florida… those humid, stuffy nights with no air when the power was out after a storm were crazily uncomfortable.
- Repurpose the Take-A-Penny/Leave-A-Penny trays. Last night, after running some errands at various stores, I stopped in at Taco Bell to get my little brothers a little snack (and myself, too, 7 layer Burrito for Big Sky). After getting my food, I noticed that there was a homeless man who’d come into the place asking for coffee or a drink of any kind. The woman mopping the floor told him $1.49 dismissively for a drink and went back to her mopping. Myself, and another man behind me, spontaneously decided to treat this man. Between us, we got him a couple of volcano tacos and a large drink. No big deal, you help somebody out if they need it. But what if we hadn’t been there? Lexington isn’t a big area, but there’s no public transportation and their small churches are pretty much closed if not giving one of their semi-weekly services. So where was that man, perfectly nice and respectful (he thanked us profusely for helping him), supposed to go eat? I propose that the Take-A-Penny tray be repurposed into a petty cash tray for providing at least a single sandwich and drink to any hungry, destitute individual who seeks something to put in his or her stomach. Because just like the Salvation Army, you don’t have to save the world with a donation… even a few coins here and there can help someone.
- They have to bring back the Whatchamacallit commercials. I don’t know how many people remember them. You can likely find it on Youtube. But there’s not a store that sells candy that doesn’t sell the Whatchamacallit candy bar and that commercial was pretty catchy.
- Anderson Cooper must release his own pin-up calendar. Hey, I’m a heterosexual male, but even I know when another guy is hot enough to do big business with this sort of thing. He can donate the proceeds to charity or to hiring a better New Year’s co-host than Kathy Griffin… I don’t care. But he’s missing out on a major opportunity there.
- Dick Cheney has to become a superspy. At least then when he berates the Obama administration on not being tough enough on national security, Cheney can bring in personal examples such as busting up an Iraqi slave ring armed with nothing more than a pen knife, or going “Delta Force” and singlehandedly bringing down al-Qaeda in Yemen with one hand tied behind his back, uphill against the snow, both ways.
- Tiger Woods should join the NBA. Extramarital affairs tend not to be career-ending in that sport. He can join the Lakers and form a coalition with Kobe Bryant.
- Insurance companies have to stop talking about all the money you’ll save if you come to their side. Of course people saved money by switching to your company. Nobody switches insurance to pay more. How about elaborating on your services, and effective rate of claims return? On a side note, Dennis Haysbert would totally win in a fight with Tim McCarthy (plays the “Justin Case” character from Safe Auto commercials).
There’s more that I think should change in 2010, but I won’t bog you down with all of it. Have a great day and make this year even better than the last!